I walked a great walk
By way of ridge and brook
Heavy-breathed, through copper fields
Of highland grass, wild game and
Barren pass, I took my time
Facing each unknown as it came

And in that most majestic space
As I reclined looking back on what
I’d climbed, a lonesome voice
Brisk and careless, came to mind
From the depths of what In fairness
I’d sought to leave behind

You should’ve done this sooner
It said, when you were younger
It bled, as though now didn’t count
Like I should have known
But wiser still, by sunny glade
And frosty peak I have grown

So sitting there in my preparedness
That thought now caught in my awareness
Passed not from mind to body to soul, but out
Between heartbeats. Out, upon the warmth
Of my breath. Out into awe and splendour
Where it died a timeless death

I walked outside to open ground
I bent and stretched and wandered round
I touched the grass, sniffed the trees
Crunched the stones, watched the bees

The sun fell warm upon my face
A breeze that danced through time and space
It seemed to reach beneath my skin
A strange elation stirred within

I found a cobbled wall and gate
Raised the latch, stood up straight
Gazed out on a golden field
Felt a longing long concealed

Then stepping on a dusty path
A pretty, gritty, rusty path
I praised the land through which I ambled
As Tui sang and berries rambled

And all the while the sun did shine
The breeze did dance, the stars aligned
With something great beneath my skin
Something timeless deep within

I took one step into another
Embraced the field like a lover
Saw the world through crystal eyes
How clear the air! How deep the sky!

But as my feet fell into stride
My restless heart began to chide
It fluttered, paused and gently pressed
A wistful beat inside my chest

Come to me. It seemed to say
Like I'd wandered far away
And so I sought a place to sit
To listen and commune with it

I stretched myself upon the ground
Breath to breath, inward bound
Closed my eyes as if to dream
Let go. Let go. Surrendering

And in that warming winter glow
I slipped beyond the world I know
Beyond my mind, beyond my being
Into darkness, somehow seeing

I am the sun. The earth. The breeze
The dusty path. The scent of trees
The blood that pulses in my veins
The molten core. The astral planes

I’m every thought and every note
The giggle in a baby's throat
All that lives, that is, will be
I as you. You as me

The sun went down upon my senses
Doused in pearls the night dispenses
Body quashed and loosely furled
My spirit spanned the cosmic world

And as my memory lay amiss
I felt not fear but Orphic bliss
All colossus, every crumb
All at once, all as one

A trillion links began to break
My resting mind began to wake
Floating back into my senses
Back to thoughts, back to fences

Back through gates by which I came
Back to the bees, the trees again
Back to that rare and fleeting place
The precious gift of time and space

(Epilogue)

That night I lay upon my bed
Body buzzing toe to head
Humbly seeking to recapture
The sense of awe, the timeless rapture

And with elation running rife
I laughed the deepest love for life
For I had felt my soul traverse
The fabric of the universe
And I had seen from where we came
And in good time will go again

I went for a walk down Wicklewock way
Where the street signs creak and sway
I went for a walk down Wicklewock way
Wish I hadn’t wandered down that way

The air was choked, the sky was stained
The way was steep and veiled
I went for a walk down Wicklewock way
To the place my soul once sailed

Cross seething sea and barren plain
To mines of pitch and shim
Through ghosts of love and ardour slain
That lurch beneath the skin

By frigid lake not quite awake
I found a place to wallow
As sallow guests with hollow chests
Beckoned me to follow

I went for a walk down Wicklewock way
Where the street signs creak and sway
I went for a walk down Wicklewock way
I couldn't find the will to stay

Tall, short, fat, thin
weak, strong, her, him
Rich, poor, black, white
Gay, straight, wrong, right

Good, bad, false, true
Them, us, me, you
Win, lose, give, take
Live, die, choice, fate

Stop now, change course
Two sides, one source
Two sides, fresh start
One love, one heart

You bought us a gift today
Dropping it at our feet as
I might drop a hat

My son picked you up
I picked up your prize
To take it somewhere
To recover
Or to die in peace

I went to check on it later
Your prize
Shallow breathing
Front legs not working
Petted it. Focused my energy on it
Offered love. Tried to heal it 
Saw curiosity in its eye
Told it not to be afraid

Then you were there, again
A ghostly silver shadow
Almond eyes glinting
Your prize
Sensing your return
Struggling
Driven to live
At the very edge of life

I continued my efforts, thinking 
Somehow this moment mattered
More than other moments
As you stood
Patiently
Noble as a statue 

Its eyes clouded
A decision made, somewhere
You stretched and casually walked over
As if to say “Okay son,
I’ll take it from here”

My turn to bear witness
My turn not to judge

I step back from you
From the dying
From the urge
To control the moment

You bite down, determinately
As I walk away
To the sound of crunching bones
And the sound of divinity
In all things

What is this world, this life, these hands?
The purpose in passion and plans
The wonder we see in the stars
The beauty behind all the scars

What is the answer to all that is sought?
The space beyond feeling and thought
The rush, the push, the pull
The wise, initiate, fool

From Dante to Gogh to Gibran
To Mary to Shiva to Pan
In us these beings exist
The gifts we take or resist
The answers we find or refute
The clues we distill or dilute

What is the truth, the one, the light?
The morning, the evening, the night
Wild, unbridled and free
This life vibrating in me
This life vibrating in me

There was a man who long forgot
That life was just a dream
He lived in separation
Felt he couldn't change a thing

Until one day he heard a voice
That turned him on his head
Was like he knew it all along
And this is what it said

The world is just a mirror
Reflecting back your mind
If you think some thing is real
Then you are sure to find

Evidence and reason to
Substantiate your truth
There's nothing more reductive than
An appetite for proof

And though we are susceptible
To all that we perceive
Nothing is more powerful
Than thoughts that you believe

And nothing is more certain
In this life of ebb and flow
What you pay attention to
Is what you help to grow

So close your eyes, listen close
Choose your thoughts with care
For what you think and what you feel
Shapes your world out there

I waved a man, he waved me back
I smiled, he smiled, he pulled a phone
From out his pack, as I pulled mine
To check the time, sure not to miss
The lunch ahead and, perhaps,
A lover’s kiss

Looking up, I meet his stare
Intrigued to see a trace of doubt 
The look of lost lurking there
Behind those eyes, those kindly eyes
And my heart, once locked and overstocked
With shame and fear, swelled
With love and care

For this man in the window, prone
Fingering his phone
Drawing breath from depths unknown
Drawing breath to bring about … what?
An act of will to break a spell?
Or maybe just that smile out

Spinning round, making haste
Fingertips upon my lips, tracing smiles
Across my face, I wave farewell!
Adieu! Goodbye!
Cherishing my latest clue, as to who
That man in the window is
And why

You have given so much

Protection to your siblings
Dedication to your mum
Your body to your children
Your best to others who
Didn’t know how to appreciate it

And you are tired
From all the orchestration
All the provision
Making sure people were cared for
Occasions were observed
That life was as safe and as comfortable
As you could imagine it

Now your life is shifting
Your kids grown up
Friendships teetering
Business growing
A new home
And
A new lover
All so quickly you
Can barely catch your breath

And it is all so wonderful and complicated
And liberating and risky
In unexpected and unfamiliar ways
And you ask, can I do this?
Have I got the energy?
Is it worth it?
Is all the effort worth it?

So you look around your life
With all its challenges
And all its comforts
All its redundancy
And all its promise
And your heart flutters
At the prospect of saying yes
And at the prospect of saying no
For fear of losing or gaining
Something wanted or unwanted
And you don’t know
You don’t know what to do

So you retreat and wait
For the deep unknowable
To move in you
To process what it needs to process
To let go of what needs releasing
So you might find stillness
And clarity can come again …

Then you remember
From here
It’s impossible to make a good
Or bad choice
To take right or wrong action
That there is only choice
And choices from this place
Always come from the biggest part of yourself
No matter how weak or strong
Or right or wrong they may appear to be

Love is here in your fight
Love is here in your surrender
It’s in the strength of your words
The distance in your eyes
The kindness in your touch
And I will be loving you
Near or far through all of it
No matter the choices you make

Down by the pool today
I thought of you

Surrounded by pretty faces
Bare-skin bodies
I thought of you

To the sound of happy voices
Music, laughter
I thought of you

Amidst the scent of sunscreen
And sunburnt love
I thought of you

I thought of you

Of your brilliant smile
Your sparkling eyes
Bikini painted blue

I thought of you

Of your cheeky quips
Your slender frame
The dizzying fragrance
Of Vintner’s Daughter upon your cheeks

I thought of you
I thought of you

I do not wish to be another in history
Thinking one word, saying another
Preaching one life, living the other
Fuelling the plague of hypocrisy

Not for success or admiration
Comfort or self-deception
Will I compromise my integrity
But for freedom, joy, love
I value most congruency

Between what is dreamt and what is lived
What is said and what is done
For all else is betrayal. Or philosophy
And philosophy is of little use to me

In this life. This life of lives
Where trust is a treasure
And truth a responsibility
And that’s why congruency
Matters so much to me

It’s been a year

Since we first met
Talking over breakfast
Lounging by the pool
My hand upon your knee
Waking up to what might be

It’s been a year

Since we first walked
From the past
Into your room
Your simple summer dress
The soft light of the moon

It’s been a year

Since we first touched
Held you in your arms
Lips warmly pressed
Hands upon your body
Head upon my chest

It’s been a year

And in that time
I’ve got to know you
Watch you grow you
Like a sunflower in bloom
Taking your chances
Finding your answers

It’s been a year

So time says
But of course
This love that is you and I
Spans eons
Flouting boundaries
Of a starlit sky

There is a stillness

Once we have spent our day
And come together
To share a meal
Appreciate each other

that moves into me

After we have laughed
And kissed
Made love
In one or another way

while drifting in your arms

Between the known
And the unknowable
In the radiant afterglow
Of surrender

that speaks to me

Of bonds and bonding 
Of love and loving
Of you, I
And the universe

In the language of completeness

What is this thread
This starlight thread
That spans the impossible distance
Between you and I?

I can’t see it
But I know it’s here
I feel it in my heart
Each time you tug on your end

With your thoughts
Your words, your intention
It calls on me
Like some timeless melody

And I know the notes
Though I can’t make them out
And I feel the rhythm
Though there is no beat

But it’s here
In the tenderness of your touch
And its there
In a carefully chosen word

And with my eyes closed
My body calm
And my mind still
I can hear it

The song of our souls
Echoing out across eternity
Rejoicing at having found each other
Once again

And I am with you
In love and grace

My starlight valentine

Across the impossible spans
Of time and space

I knew I liked you back then
Your smile
Your pretty laugh
The floaty way you walked
… and your eyes …
They had the better of me

I didn’t know why back then
Too young?
Too self-conscious?
Too busy mimicking
The shallow behaviours
Of those I thought better than me

Thirty years on
Here you are again
And I can finally put my finger on
What I couldn’t before
Kindness
That’s what I saw

Not that carefully curated kindness
The kind laid out on an oily surface
Like bait
But warm, genuine kindness
Deep as Mimir’s well
And I like you all the more

There’s a distance between us
A drifting apart
I’ve not felt before
Do I stay still?
Do I ride out to you?
I fear we’ll lose sight of each other
I fear anchoring you more

I will come to you
If you call for me
If you reach for me
You will find my hand

I dreamed of us today
You were standing in the ocean
Waving to me
“Hey, I’m over here”?
“Farewell my love”?
I couldn’t tell
It made me want to cry

I lifted my hand
It was wet
And suddenly it was I
Who was in the water
As you looked out to sea

—

There is so much in life
We can’t control
The currents of the ocean
Other peoples’ impulses
Let alone our own sometimes

I love you
I love loving you
Together navigating an ocean
Infinitely more majestic
Than the one
That sometimes separates us

And I will come to you
If you call for me
When you reach for me
You will find my hand

Prisons are cold, desperate places
Full of despair and desolate faces
Full of the lonely, full of the tough
Full of the children
Who weren't loved enough

It's easy to blame
To say they made choices
But many were made
Long before they had voices
And many were maimed in spirit and heart
Cornered and saddled
Before they could start

For some it may be the damage is done
The sort of deep damage
That can't be undone

But even those souls so wilfully lost
Who serve only self
Whatever the cost
Deserve only acts of compassion and kindness
For anything less
Is a pathway to blindness
And anything less than love as the vision
Makes for yourself
Your own kind of prison